Family Harmony (audio)

Maggie Dent:

Hello, and welcome to Family Harmony. This is a creative visualisation that will allow you to explore how you would really like the preferred reality to be in your home sometimes. Please make yourself very comfortable and if you can, make sure that you will not be interrupted for the next five to ten minutes.

Now, if you can, take three really big deep breaths in and deep breaths out as your body begins to relax.

Then allow your breath to allow to its normal, gentle breathing. Knowing that with each outward breath your body can relax even more even though your mind is focusing on the words that I am saying.

Create in your mind an image of your home. Start with the kitchen. Just imagine how your kitchen would look if you could create the kitchen in the preferred home in your imagination. Colours are important. Tidiness is important. Messages in the home in the kitchen that say, "This is a place we gather to prepare food for the people who live here."

Some of you may think of something in your kitchen that's not very conducive to calmness or harmony. And one of the things that comes up quite often is the pin-up board or the fridge that all sorts of messy bits and pieces all over it. We would really like for that to be much tidier. Because the tidiness allows people to feel there is more order and predictability.

So, have another look in your mind at how your kitchen is going to look. Does it have a big welcoming bowl of fresh fruit? Do you have water glasses that are within easy reach of all your children, unbreakable preferably. Are there bright friendly colours?

Are there positive and smiling messages that children can se in your kitchen sometimes on the fridge, maybe little pictures that hang off things that they can see? And is your kitchen clean? We don't mean clean by lots commercial things. We just mean there's not junk and stuff everywhere that makes children feel chaotic.

Where does your family eat? Gathering around a table, no matter how small or how big it may be, is a very powerful symbol of unity in families. And with the coming and going of different age groups and things, it's often difficult to eat together. However, do you ever eat together? And if so, do you children help prepare the table for you to eat together?

If you haven't got something special that symbolises gathering together, is a positive thing, maybe see if you can get a nice bright tablecloth. Maybe if you've got any flowers in your garden, someone can pick a couple of those. These are things that say, "Gathering together and sharing food together is something to look forward to."

Now imagine that you've got your family together. Now, knowing that there needs to be some simple guidelines, not hard and fast rules, that around the table will we prefer not to have arguing or nagging or lecturing, loud voices. But you're encouraging children to develop manners, courtesy, etiquette, but that sometimes they're just not going to do it. They are going to be too tired or they're just simply going to forget. Gentle reminders is what children need to learn those things. Otherwise, it becomes a power struggle.

Sometimes it helps if you place the food into large bowls on the table so children can choose what they like to eat. And be very careful of food wars and labelling food good or bad. Just let the gathering together, sharing conversation be the most important thing when you do come together.

Remember how exciting picnics are with children? Sometimes it's a good idea just to pack and throw a blanket on the ground outside and have dinner out there.

So, think again. Do we have a gathering together within our family around healthy food?

And think of the next room where the family gathers a lot and that will be the room where the television is. That is a really important room to have a look at is this saying welcome? Is this saying everyone's comfortable here? Is this saying we get on? Does your TV dominate your entire room rather than the people who are in it? Do you have some guidelines for your children about what to watch, how loud the TV is?

These are parts of social development that children need so that one day they will be able to live with other people without their mom or dad around telling them how to behave appropriately.

The same goes for this room. Have you got silent messages on the wall about being loving and caring? Do you have photographs of them when they were cute and little as children? Do you have photographs of grandparents that say they're part of a history in a family that goes on well beyond them? Are they comfortable enough chairs? And often children just like big cushions and bean bags rather than couches. Are there enough seats for you all to watch something together?

These are just some things to think of as you scan over how your gathering area is, your social room.

And focus on outside your house. As people come, including your children, whichever way they come in, most of us come through the back door, not the front door. Does that have a sense of being welcoming? Sometimes it just needs a nice little pot plant or some bells or chimes that says something to children that says this is a welcoming and safe place.

I know, sometimes mine was just a massive pairs of shoes. When I tidy them up it felt much more welcoming. But sometimes it's just the very small things that make a home instead of a house.

If you have an outside area, does it have some space for children just to sit sometimes to get away from their siblings? Or, more importantly, a space for mom to sit to get away from all the chaos? Place where you take a cup of tea or a juice that allows you step outside, regather your thoughts, fill up your cup, let go of whatever might having been causing you some angst. Do you have places like that outside your house? Doesn't have to be a fancy seat, can just be the edge of a garden bed of rock.

Silent, quiet places are really important within your home. Do you have any? That's a room where there is no loud music or noise. It's a place where someone wants to read quietly or do some quiet homework. They know it will always be quiet.

Take a deep breath in and allow your mind to wander back to a moment that was a very treasured memory in your own childhood. A time where you felt incredibly loved, incredibly happy to be within your own home environment. Many families tell that is actually a time usually outside a house. When they are playing outside or going for a picnic. Maybe going down to feed the ducks in the park or maybe playing cricket at the beach. I want you to think of one of those times in your childhood where you can see yourself as a child with an incredible shiny eyes, smiling face, lots and lots of energy. If you could bring that feeling that you felt then into your home, how would your home feel?

So spend a few more moments just reflecting on the small, tiny changes that you could make in your home that would build a sense of harmony and safety for your children. Little things make a big difference for children. Being perfect isn't what they expect. Being loving is what they need.

When we slow ourselves down and simplify our homes, allow a lot more spaces for children, stop hurrying each other, harmony seems to just invite itself in.

Allow yourself to gather some more ideas and thoughts to bring back with you from your relaxed world into the real world. Take a couple of really deep breaths as you shift your awareness and know that everyone does the best they can with what they know.

And finally, remember love is the answer to every question you ever ask as a parent.

When your awareness back. Stretch your fingers and toes. Come back into the real world. All is well.