We’re all born with a particular temperament and I see this as being on a spectrum. At one end we have our confident, feisty ‘roosters’, and at the other end we have our quite, sensitive ‘lambs’.
Even though our children will be influenced by their biological temperament, which has come through on their DNA, their sense of needing to be loved, valued and also feel that they belong is exactly the same. If you are struggling with the behaviour of one of your children, always work on the relationship rather than the behaviour. So many times they feel unloved and un-special and sometimes they make it very hard to love them (especially our roosters!).
It helps to keep in mind that children need both rooster and lamb tendencies to grow into being happy, healthy kids. Roosters need to learn empathy and compassion to others or they could become a narcissistic bully, while lambs need to learn courage and confidence or they could become wimps and victims. Temperament does not have to be destiny.
In these resources I explain more about temperament and its challenges, and discuss ways in which you can put a little more rooster in your lambs and some lamb in your roosters.
For people parenting in the early years, I have a whole chapter on this in my book 9 Things: A back-to-basics guide to calm, common-sense, connected parenting.
