In short …

A recent survey of Australian parents showed that 20% of respondents said they are finding ‘no time in the day’ to do an activity they enjoy or find fulfilling.
Parents have often had to juggle work/ parenting/ family/ community so what’s changed? Our attitude and expectations…
It’s time to lower the bar and realise that a stressed parent will struggle to be a connected parent.
In this blog, Maggie offers simple tips for nurturing yourself guilt-free because the big people in our kids’ lives can’t pour from an empty cup.

The just-released News Corp Great Australian Parent Survey 2025 has revealed some disturbing truths about being a parent today.

Almost 20% of respondents reported that they are finding ‘no time in the day’ to do an activity they enjoy or find fulfilling. That is obviously not OK, nor is it healthy and my first thought was why?

Obviously, many parents need to work longer hours to manage in our world of housing stress – both rental and mortgage stress – and the high costs of food, increased utility rates and everything really.

But parents have been working hard and juggling work-life-parenting for a long time so what’s changed?

I think it has to do with attitudes to parenting. To understand that we need to explore the shift around what has been discovered through the science of child development.

Every parent is biologically wired to keep their children safe and secure. Much has been written in recent times about the importance of attachment in the early years of life – a warm, predictable connection is essential for that security.

Primary attachments are the ‘big people’ of central importance to a child’s life – typically parents and then there are secondary attachment figures like key caregivers, grandparents and early childhood educators.

Parents want to be more loving, kind and respectful and that’s a good thing. But maybe parents are striving hard to ensure their child’s happiness – to give them enormous birthday parties, to buy them toys and treats too often and to over schedule their extracurricular activities – under the illusion that child happiness is the main goal of parenting?

Is it to avoid saying no and holding boundaries to avoid those big feelings of angst? I can assure you we are not meant to be slaves to our kids to ensure their wellbeing!

Expectations and discomfort

Secure attachment is not broken when we be the parent our kids need despite the moments of discomfort. Parental swagger is necessary.

The hidden pressures for many mammas are bigger than in days gone by. They are feeling incredibly pressured – and judged – via Insta and influencers to also have very neat, tidy, styled homes. Expectations abound to wear trendy clothing (when did the memo go out about leaving half your shirt untucked?) and have amazing eyebrows. There’s the expectation to be constantly connecting to the endless digital messaging around organising your family’s life, too, from ordering school lunches to knowing when Book Week is. And don’t forget every night to cook amazing healthy meals … and be able to chat about your favourite Nagi recipes from her latest cookbook Tonight?

Why is that unrealistic? Well, there are only 16 hours available in each day – you are supposed to sleep, remember! Stop beating yourself up for being an imperfect parent – good enough is more than OK and apparently you only need to do that 30-40% of the time.

The good news is that your job is not to keep your kids constantly happy and overly safe.

Of course our job is to keep our kids safe but they are meant to experience moments of disappointment, frustration, sadness, risk and challenge so they can learn how to navigate these things. I know I bang on like an old record about this but that’s why the old rules of Pass The Parcel are better than every child getting a prize no matter how hard it is for kids and parents – in that moment. Grazed knees and small bumps and bruises are all signs a child is learning valuable lessons on how to move and play in the world.

Let’s face it: life with little kids is messy business

Let’s be honest caring for babies, toddlers and infants is often tricky and some days can be hard work. As a grandparent I know this for sure.

They are unpredictable with a deep hunger for exploration through movement and their curiosity, which can see them doing some annoying things! Drawing on walls, spreading or throwing food, and eating sand and the odd snail. Some bite, throw toys and need lots of help mastering their toileting. Their immature brains mean they can make poor choices while practising their need for autonomy – over and over again. And it is all normal child development, no matter how frustrating it can be! Some days can be hard and messy.

My first suggestion to parents, especially mammas, is – you never get in front as a parent no matter how hard you try – even when everything is washed! Your kids are already wearing the next load of washing and if you have boys there is probably already a skiddy in their undies – if they wore any of course! Relax and focus on connection and this moment – not next week, next year or last week or last year – just now!

The perception that good parents always have spotless homes and tidy children needs to stop. I had a house of busy boys and realised early on that play was important and that meant that there might need to be a shift in my story about what makes a good enough mum. I decided to have one room that the boys were not allowed into – the lounge! When I was feeling stressed about the mess, I would take a cuppa in there and embrace the delight of a tidy room! I also closed their bedroom doors when there were toys everywhere so I couldn’t see the mess.

Often we big people are sleep-deprived and stressed with the cycle of colds and viruses that tend to happen so frequently especially in the winter months. Caring for our little ones by meeting their needs is a key part of parenting and being an educator. There are many needs for each individual child and they can change moment to moment and when looking after multiple little ones, it can be very difficult to be able to be what each child needs.

Exhausted big people cannot pour from an empty cup.

Your needs matter too. Sometimes just small actions can be deceptively important in restoring weary minds, bodies and hearts. Big people need to model taking care of themselves because children learn most from modelling on grownups’ behaviour.

I have been suggesting for a long time that co-parents need to prioritise the activity that they enjoy and need to fill their cup – before their kids’ activities. Yes – you need to come first!

And if you’re a solo parent, don’t be afraid to ask for help from safe adults in your life – they may be family, friends, kind neighbours or other parents. It’s not easy but it’s so important to acknowledge your needs too.

Next, when choosing activities for the kids – lower the bar.

No matter what your child wants – get them to prioritise their wishes and aim to meet some but there’s no need to meet them all. It’s ok if they display discomfort, you need more time to do all the other things like shopping, cooking, washing and having a good coffee!

The less stressed you are the better parent you will be. When we are stressed, our brain creates cortisol, a stress hormone, and our nervous system often goes into flight-flight-freeze-fawn to survive.

When our brain and body is in this state, we can feel less safe to the children we care for too, and we are more likely to speak and behave in ways we would prefer not to. No one really wants to be a shouty, angry parent every day and yet we are carrying more worry, more fear and lots more cortisol in our brain and body, exactly as that parent survey suggested!

Recognising this is key to choosing to do something about it. Something like this:

Simple deep breathing can re-set your nervous system and modelling taking 3 deep breaths at home can work for both big people and little people.
Create moments that give you a break at home – a cuppa outside, quiet time in a lounge chair with headphones on or lying on the couch while your little ones play close by. One of my favourite ways to escape was taking a 20-minute bubble bath with essential oils and the door locked – ignoring the odd note from a child poked under the door!
Choose to lighten up around home as laughter and lightness releases cortisol and can be very bonding especially when muck ups occur.

It is really hard to find lightness and laughter when the going is tough, however I’m going to argue that this needs to be your priority at every stage of development for our own self-preservation.

I have often said to parents that, seriously, laughing can release the same tension from the body as crying, and you will look a lot better after a good laugh!

Remove some things from your ‘to do’ list – seriously save more time for you. Many parents (and again it does seems to be mostly mammas) struggle with the mental load of caring for kids so seriously prioritise and then reduce your ‘must do’ list. Work with your co-parent if you have one to share the load. Solo parents I know you do this already or you wouldn’t be able to cope.
Asking for help without any guilt is totally ok – especially when you knowing you can return the favour at some point in the future.
Get your kids to do more – chores, making lunches, older kids doing stuff for younger kids.

Remember when that sleep-deprivation monster attacks, or your toddler gives birth to three new teeth in a week or one after another of the family/children in your ECEC centre school succumb to a gastro-bug, every mum/dad/carer needs someone to remind them that it’s quite normal to feel the sense of struggle and feel crappy. It is not a sign we are lousy parents or failing or that there’s something wrong with our kid. This is how life rolls and accepting what happens rather than fighting what happens can really help.

Another key to remember: there is huge power in the gift of kindness for those we live with and work with AND for ourselves. It is not selfish – it models self-compassion and helps reduce the inner stress load.

It can fill cups deceptively easily and it is important to start by being kind to ourselves – the big people in our little people’s lives. And if you’re in a position to support a big person, then it doesn’t take much: a smile, a hug, a coffee, good chocolate, a cooked meal, an offer to help especially to those who have children with additional challenges – it seriously can lift weary hearts and spirits.

While we can’t go back to the days when kids were sent out of the house to play and come back at dinner, leaving parents with loads of time for themselves and their chores, we can make choices that can ease the load and still nurture connection with our kids.

You can absolutely take steps to nurture yourself – guilt free. Your children will adapt, and they will have happier parents and still feel safe and secure.

And if you need a role model yourself? Maybe check out the Bluey episode where Chilli felt burnt out and just wanted 20 minutes to herself, and realise the deep wisdom that Bluey brings into our parenting world.